To Tell Or Not To Tell

It’s no secret that people have trouble dealing with grief in this country. Most people feel some level of discomfort when dealing with the pain and suffering of others, so turning a blind eye is their natural response. The perpetuation of this stigma that you shouldn’t be excited or open about your pregnancy until you’re ‘out of the woods’ just instills the notion that you should spare others of feeling uncomfortable in the event that you experience loss. It’s insane when you really break it down! I experienced a miscarriage 4 years ago and told only family and a couple very close friends. I had just moved across the country and found out that I was pregnant almost immediately after I settled into a new place. My boyfriend (now husband) was still living across the country and I made the hard decision to move back home and raise our child around both of our families. The week before I embarked on my journey home I found out I had lost our baby and I ended up going home anyways, feeling lost and utterly broken. Nobody back home knew what had happened and as far as they could tell I just failed at taking the leap and returned with my tail between my legs. To be completely honest I’m still not sure I would have done it any differently. Not because I didn’t want to make the people around me feel awkward, but because it was a pain I didn’t want people to see painted on my face every day. I didn’t want to be asked questions or even talk about it. It was the most raw and real thing I’d ever experienced to that point. So I guess it all comes down to why you’re choosing to keep it a secret, or not, and whether or not that aligns with what you believe. This is something that sadly affects so many women in silence, and I’m writing just to remind them that they have a choice. You don’t have to withhold excitement out of fear and you don’t have to share before you feel comfortable. May you all feel the freedom to share what aches in your heart in a safe environment. Namaste.

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