The Beauty in Chaos

“The thing about chaos,
is that while it disturbs us,
it too,
forces our hearts to roar 
in a way we secretly find magnificent”
^^ Taught my very first class!!!

Yesterday I was reflecting on a journal post written almost exactly one year ago and today I have decided to apply it back to my current life. It speaks to the time in the morning when the distinction between consciousness and unconsciousness is the most thin. During this time it is extremely important to devote time to serving yourself in a positive way and focusing inward. Basically, I read an article one day and decided to think more about myself in the morning and avoid social media or any kind of distraction. I did this with hopes of setting a more conscious intention for my day and it was easier than I thought once I had dedicated myself to the concept. I found myself spending hours each morning just doing things I love without interruption or apology, and it truly lightened my days. I continued with this pattern until the day I started my road trip out to Colorado – then the chaos ensued. I was suddenly so captivated by these new places and exploring them that I took less time searching inward. I found myself meditating often but always distracted by my surroundings and spending my mornings often rushed to go find a new hike. Now I am 3 days away from graduating out of my 200 hour yoga teacher training and a lot has changed.

It’s always a crazy feeling when you can look back in time and recognize a significant difference in yourself, whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally. It’s even crazier when you can recognize such a shift in a very short period of time. For me these past 4 months have been truly life-changing and it became very clear how much has changed yesterday during my final class at yoga school. We had written down our intentions and concerns regarding the training program on pieces of paper during our very first class 4 months prior. Last night our teacher gave us back these papers and we were given an opportunity to evaluate our own personal transformations – it was a beautiful experience. I was able to see that my concerns, which included stage fright and disappointment, have slowly dissipated and a new confidence has emerged. Of course there were bumps along the road unrelated to yoga and I found that I had a new means of coping with them based on what I had learned. However, it also became strikingly clear yesterday how long it had been since I devoted mornings to myself when I did for the first time in what felt like ages. So today I have spent the whole morning thinking and writing and enjoying being outside – even if it means waking up a little earlier. I have given back to myself the opportunity to acknowledge the light in a seemingly dark situation and find comfort in the midst of chaos.

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